A Mother’s Perspective on Trading
Ok, this episode is long overdue. Our name is Market Mamas and it is true to who we are. Two mothers who also trade the stock market. So, we want to spend some time talking about the experience of merging both those roles. Let’s hear from both the mamas separately here.
Becky
This topic is near and dear to our hearts and intricate to our journeys for sure! So, I have 3 boys and they are 11, 6 and 1 1/2 years old. So, it’s pretty busy in my house with 3 young ones with fairly different needs, as they are at 3 totally different stages of development. And, being their mama is my most critical, cherished role in my life. My husband and I had some fertility struggles and had to be very intentional with the help of modern medicine to have our babies and feel so very grateful to have them. We consistently put forth all our primary effort to raising them with complete love, security, education, enrichments, and balance. Chores, homework, outside play and vegetables meet toys, video games and occasional treats - type of balance. My husband and I choose to teach them by example and work hard ourselves to build the life we want for our family and then enjoy the benefits as they naturally come. I embrace this opportunity to show them the value of digging in to learning something so hard as day trading is, as this is an avenue that has overwhelming potential to elevate our lives. And it is so true - children learn the most by watching how you do your life. Why should I expect them to work hard at learning, be patient and curious, treat themselves with kindness, healthy choices and respect - if I don’t? I cherish my balance and approach to life even more when I know it is teaching them to cultivate that for themselves as they mature.
I started to learn about trading after I had a back injury at work that put me home on a medical leave for physical therapy (PT) and surgery early in 2021. This provided me a period of my life where I wasn’t able to perform the duties of a nurse, but my mind was craving to be challenged. I started learning to trade, joined my first program and really fell in love with the market. I would study when the kids were napping and doing school work or asleep at night, trade in the morning before they woke. I would balance their needs and that of my new found love - the stock market! I would grow my relationships with fellow traders within my trading groups and find support there for the struggles I soon found myself working through. I had to figure out what the right balance was for my family - how much time could I steal away to learn this new world without any of them feeling neglected or any key needs of our home not being met. My days were often broken up between trading, kids breakfast and off to school, trading, studying, exercise or PT for my injury, then kids after school. When they were in bed at night, I’d spend another hour or two or three studying, back-testing, journaling… It’s taken a fair amount of effort to walk this line of meeting all the needs and it isn’t always easy, even still now. But my pace is the best it can be for my phase of life right now and I chose gratitude for the madness!
I have been asked many times how and why I am doing all the things by family and friends not from the trading world - part time nursing, learning day trading, raising 3 kids, and now with this podcast. The simple answer is that I love them all and we all make time for what really matters to us. And that humans are actually capable of far, far more than most people push themselves to. The wise and inspirational Marie Forleo expressed this point well: “Your potential is limitless. You are unique, valuable, capable, and worthy of the dreams in your heart. Most of all, you have what it takes to transform and transcend whatever challenges you face.”
Quick story! I once had a patient in the emergency dept, she was a retired physician assistant in her 80’s. I was taking care of her and preparing her discharge home. She entranced me with stories of her full, beautiful life and of her 3 children - 2 doctors and one business owner. I asked her what her secret was to raising successful children, especially after I had met one of her physician sons and saw that he was also kind and incredibly supportive to her. Her answer was simple - she said have your life, pursue your dreams, fight to be the woman you want to be, show your children what it looks like to be strong and expect the best of yourself in all aspects of your life and relationships and accept no less. She was a working mother her whole life, but also balanced that with raising her kids and being very involved in their lives too. She told me that this taught them by example the power of perseverance, unwavering faith in yourself, confidence in your abilities, strength to do more, that working hard consistently will deliver rewards for that effort, and the ultimate responsibility of taking care of your family how you deem best. This strong example to them was the greatest gift she could bestow upon them. We each have so many layers of grit, stamina, and heart in us to really do so much, if we choose to pull from those depths. I will never forget that morning with her and her son. It’s stayed with me nearly a decade now, as this interaction was when I only had one small baby so far. Some lessons speak directly to your core, and this one has definitely guided me as a parent over the years, but also now helps guide me in my day trading and Market Mama pursuits! I will be unstoppable because I am building the life of my dreams! And my children are watching, every day. So I am going to give them something to see that may later guide them from their subconscious to building their full and beautiful lives.
I have also learned many important parenting tips from my own parents, of course. One important point that sticks with me from them, as they are now grandparents, is how truly fast childhood goes! My Mom is still coping with the fact that I am grown… And I am sure I will feel the same when my boys are men. So, I must prioritize them every single day. I purposefully make time each day to lock eye contact with them and really hear their words. How they are feeling, how school is going, what they dream of, what their friends are obsessed with, what they enjoy most with their hobbies… I know I can keep relentlessly pushing towards my goals so long as I always make time for them and their lives simultaneously. Show up for field trips, play dates, teaching them to cook or ride a bike, sledding in our park. Balance it all. This allows me to feed all the loves of my heart and leaves me exhausted (lol), but also so fulfilled. And I very rarely feel like I accomplish enough in a day for my trading or Market Mamas. Most days I wish I had done more back-testing or chart studying, or written more for another podcast episode. But, my life is what it is, and there are only so many hours in a day. The kids come first with my time because they are only kids for a short minute. The phrase “long days, short years” is so very true right now! I will be able to build and compound the other work for decades to come. This pace is right for me at this time in my life and theirs. And any time that I feel the twinges of regret of not progressing one personal thing or another faster, such as my trading growth, I just bring their littles faces and voices to my mind’s eye and I know instantly that my pace with it all is what it needs to be for now, for my family. This brings me peace and patience.
Kendra
It’s just so awesome we’re doing a Market-Mama's episode to honor motherhood. The magnitude of motherhood and the different phases and stages I’ve been blessed to experience is something I treasure so much in life. So I’m sort of an OG mom, I started out young having my first child at 17. I also have two sons 13 & 11. It still feels like yesterday they were littles and I was completely consumed in the needs of those ages and stages, but honestly it’s just as much now, it's just a different focus and types of needs. Like the saying goes “parenting is a lifetime job and does not stop when a child grows up”. I think it’s kinda funny when people say that the hardest years are when they’re young and so dependent, because I really beg to differ. Physically, the earlier years can be the most taxing with all the care and keeping for sure. But, as they get older and the impact of having this person you created develop and transition into their own place in this sometimes very cold and cruel world is just emotionally taxing. And there’s so much else in the middle that we just don’t have time to cover. I’ve also mentioned previously that I am a special needs mama so my approach to motherhood has been challenged and equally enriched through this calling. I’ll also share my own perspective that helps me not feel so different from other moms. So “I believe that every child eventually has their own set of special needs. I was just fortunate enough to be made aware of my children’s sooner, and it granted me the understanding, compassion, and ability to serve them better.
It’s crazy how we’ve managed to meld our trading into our already full lives. I always like to say we’re capable of doing so much more than we think. Doesn't mean we won't still burn out from time to time but we always get back on the horse right!? I started learning about trading during the pandemic after my husband opened an E*TRADE account and bought some stocks very much close to those really deep lows we saw. Seeing those gains he would show me all though the latter of 2020 as the market rebounded got me really interested. I wanted to make some money too! So for Christmas he funded my own E*TRADE account and I quickly realized I had no idea what I was doing and was basically buying penny stocks all day. So, I decided look I’m not going to invest any more time or money unless I do this for real and that led me to purchasing my first trading education course. Much like Becky, it was a lifestyle change for sure. Schools were still closed and I was deep in distance learning like a lot of us. So, I joined the 4AM club and had to get in study time while everyone was asleep. It wasn’t that big of a deal because I had gotten up around that time for work before to make someone else rich, so I told myself you can for sure wake up this early to make yourself rich. I also had evening sessions I wanted to attend so I had a lot of will and drive to make it happen, and good support which I’m very grateful for. Not much has changed now. 3 years later, I’m still giving a huge part of my time, energy, resources, and dedication towards becoming a successful day trader, but I’d do it all over again and choose to bet on myself many times over!
I think we all can agree parenting is one of the most complex, judged, sometimes bullied arenas in our society. I found something a few years back that really stuck with me too! I’m going to read the “Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto” by the amazing Brene Brown. This just completely sums up the way I hope and strive to show up in my children’s lives.
Above all else, I want you to know that you are loved and lovable. You will learn this from my words and actions--the lessons on love are in how I treat you and how I treat myself.
I want you to engage with the world from a place of worthiness. You will learn that you are worthy of love, belonging, and joy every time you see me practice self-compassion and embrace my own imperfections.
We will practice courage in our family by showing up, letting ourselves be seen, and honoring vulnerability. We will share our stories of struggle and strength. There will always be room in our home for both.
We will teach you compassion by practicing compassion with ourselves first; then with each other. We will set and respect boundaries; we will honor hard work, hope, and perseverance. Rest and play will be family values, as well as family practices.
You will learn accountability and respect by watching me make mistakes and make amends, and by watching how I ask for what I need and talk about how I feel.
I want you to know joy, so together we will practice gratitude.
I want you to feel joy, so together we will learn how to be vulnerable.
When uncertainty and scarcity visit, you will be able to draw from the spirit that is a part of our everyday life.
Together we will cry and face fear and grief. I will want to take away your pain, but instead I will sit with you and teach you how to feel it.
We will laugh and sing and dance and create. We will always have permission to be ourselves with each other. No matter what, you will always belong here.
As you begin your Wholehearted journey, the greatest gift that I can give to you is to live and love with my whole heart and to dare greatly.
I will not teach or love or show you anything perfectly, but I will let you see me, and I will always hold sacred the gift of seeing you. Truly, deeply, seeing you.
That says it all.
The endless amount of pressure we put on ourselves as moms can be quite obnoxious. Mom guilt right?! I’ve certainly learned through the years to not wrap my entire identity around being a mom and a wife because I spent many years doing just that. I’m now much more aware of the necessity for women to also feed and model the other parts of themselves they had before and continue to develop outside of those roles. Look, not every mama will become a mama in their lifetime or a wifey, and that shouldn’t be a woman’s gold standard. Of course balance will always be a struggle to achieve, but your family seeing you healed, happy, and whole is the gold standard. So my message for all the mamas is take care of yourself first and foremost, and you will have an even greater cup overflowing to nourish your loved ones.
There are more and more women joining the trading world every day and we know that we are not alone in this balancing act. Likewise, much of this is just as applicable to Dads as well, so we, in no way, mean to say that this topic is only applicable to Mamas, but that is just the lens with which we are experiencing it and therefore can most authentically speak of it from. The balancing act that all parents perform daily between personal pursuits and children’s needs for a healthy upbringing is a constant and critical feat that we must prioritize and finesse over time. And remember to give ourselves grace! We are doing our best and it’s a crazy beautiful journey!