Comparison is a Thief!
When you are first starting something new and challenging, hearing about all the success of further advanced people in your field is exciting, encouraging, inspiring. Once you get deeper into your own pursuits and taste success yourself, that is when the comparison may start to creep in. Pushing to be the best at something is the goal when you are building your life, so of course you want to reach ultimate success. But when you are still in the research and development phase, the learning, the studying, the practicing, the failing and getting back up phase, it can be depressing at some point to continue to compare to those seemingly farther along than you.
In this podcast episode, we are getting deeper into how comparison has impacted our journey!
It doesn’t really help that more often than not, all we really see of another person’s journey is their highlight reel. Whether it’s on social media, within a community, or even in a small group chat, it's all too common for people to only feel comfortable enough to be open about their positive outcomes, work that they are proud of. It’s human nature to hide our scars and put our best face forward. We worry what other people might think, will they think less of me, will we still be friends if they knew the whole story? Will they judge and talk about me behind my back? This is certainly prevalent in the world of trading. If you trade, you are likely a member of at least one trading group online or more. That will most certainly expose you to regular successes from other members and it can make you feel some type of way.
The best quote for this topic is by Theodore Roosevelt, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” I know from experience that I’ve had a day that I met my metrics and goals for, followed my trade plan, secured my daily points target and felt quite pleased when my morning trading session was over. But then the doubt and irritation has crept in when I see other members in my group held the same trade for farther, deeper targets for sound reasons and had a larger day, or other great setups presented and all of the sudden my points for the day no longer seem like they’re enough for the opportunities that I can now see. What started as private contentment and peace, insidiously slid into fear of missing out and regret. This comparison was unnecessary and unhelpful to my mental peace and energy. Ideally, I would gain value from their trading experience to help me in doing better on my next similar opportunity and I would be pleased and excited for them and their success. This is the goal of how I’d like to always react in this situation. But it is not always the natural first feeling. There’s a maturity that’s required, and that honestly takes time to achieve.
“Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?”
~ Oliver James
To see other’s success and be happy for them and still remain content with my own results, even if it’s on a day I ended with a loss or just less green, that’s what real confidence is and trust in my growth process. I once heard: we won’t be distracted by comparison if we are captivated by purpose. I feel way more empowered when I can place my focus and intention in my lane. I can stay dedicated and driven to reach my own unique goals for my own trajectory. I can collaborate with my teammates by sharing ideas, experiences, and moral support to help further my process instead of letting it bring out feelings of inadequacy or lack. This is how I serve myself best and allow others to add value to help build me up, rather than unhealthy comparison.
Not only is comparing yourself a waste of time, but it is also a form of self destruction. Both of which will stagnate your progress and creativity, or worse! The time you spend thinking about and talking about other’s successes could be so much more productively spent cultivating your own system, studying, practicing, networking. We all face the choice to either empower ourselves or disempower ourselves. And the mental energy one puts into those thoughts has the power to energize or drain you. When I allow outside factors that weren’t even involved in my day to impact my emotions and confidence, I lose. I lose time, faith, peace, and focus. If I lose neutrality and patience with my own lane, and start driving in another before I am ready, there is a significant risk of a big wreck! I have learned the hard way that I need to slowly shift within my own lane for the most sustainable progress.
And let's be honest, when I compare, there will be one of two outcomes. Pride in believing that I am better than others OR low self-esteem, falsely believing that others are better than me. Neither belief is beneficial or accurate. No one in the whole world can do a better job at being me than me.
Not everyone chooses to push for high achievements and goals. But if you are someone that is, don’t stop! This is what we tell ourselves too. There are people that have the energy, grit, heart, and ambition to never stop climbing. To face a mountain and trust that not only I can climb it, but the powers that are greater than me are at work moving them on my behalf, time and time again, it’s what my faith is made of. And without that, the world would be a lot more boring. We say: F comparison, standing out and having the courage to be seen is a blessing and being bold in your pursuit is a privilege and what real freedom feels like! Check out our full discussion in the podcast at the top of this page. Such an important topic!!!